I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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