soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
