she smelled like a LAN party
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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