i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
