what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
