If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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