the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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