Got a toothbrush?
return my video game
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
