I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
