good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
