Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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