I skipped work to stalk him.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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