Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
