He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
