my mouth tastes like poor choices
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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