i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize