He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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