with your own penis?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The adults are the big ones right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
