once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
