He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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