new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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