yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
