I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
