I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
