im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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