Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
