Porn is love you can see.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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