i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
