How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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