Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
