Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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