alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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