that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize