Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
