Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
