I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
