Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
