I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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