I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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