You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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