She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize