fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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