So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
