he thought i was a dude.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's shark week go big or go home
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
