party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
