she smelled like a LAN party
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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