You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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