yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I enjoy the company of your penis
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize