mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
