So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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