What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
