New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
