i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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