do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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