Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
