he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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