Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
