New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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