Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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