You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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