i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
