I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize