I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
