The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
