I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
