it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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