This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
