It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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