They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
