Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
as a side note pls kill me
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