fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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