FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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