On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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