On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
