A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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