god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
