Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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