I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
