apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
