i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
