If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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