Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
