I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
