I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
