funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
