Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
