i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
