I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
