I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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