You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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