he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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