Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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