he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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