just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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