So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
