also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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