Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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